Sunday, December 13, 2009
I recently picked up a job working in the evenings at a retail store. I realize that I am being paid to cashier and that the customers that come into the store are paying for my service. Yet, I think there are things that people forget, common courtesies. Yes, even though you are the customer and I am there to check out your items, a service you are paying for, I don't believe that this gives people the right to leave their manners at the door. I am just asking for a little common courtesy, from one human being to another. Because yes, even though I am the cashier, I am still a human being. So, I wonder if maybe people don't realize the rude things they do sometimes? Maybe manners are a long lost art? So, I thought I would share some tips. We'll call it
Checkout 101 - A guide to using manners in the check out lane.
- You may be hungry, even standing in line while you are waiting to buy groceries. But please, do not pick your nose, roll your booger between your fingers and eat it while standing in my line. I'd be happy to direct you to the bakery or the cafe if you are in need of something quick.
- If you are going to let a fart sneak out, please make sure it isn't going to be loud. I am an adult, but if someone farts in the check out line at the store it will be really hard for me not to laugh. I am immature sometimes.
- I will kindly bag your merchandise in reusable bags (though they are my least favorite thing to do). However, would you please give them to me at the beginning of your order? If I have bagged all of your groceries in plastic bags and then you say, "Oh! I forgot, I have reusable bags!" I may not happily take your merchandise out of the plastic bags and replace them in your reusable bags. And I may be saying nasty things in my head even though I have a smile on my face. You deserve it.
- If, after I have rebagged all of your stuff in your reusable bags, do not lecture when I throw the bags that you didn't want in the trash. The person standing in line behind you doesn't want your used bags. I don't really care that it takes 80 years for a plastic bag to decompose. If you tell me this, I may respond that I don't really care because I will be dead in 80 years. To which you may respond that I should care because my children will have to pay the price. To which I may then respond that this will be their price to pay, just like my generation has to deal with your generation taking all of the social security that I've paid in to. Just the facts, buddy. You should have thought about that before you forgot to give me your reusable bags.
- If you come in an buy a box of condoms and only a box of condoms I may have to stifle a grin. I have sex. I know you are hoping to have sex soon. But if you are only buying condoms I can't pretend I don't see them. I can't pretend whether I noticed if they were "ribbed for her pleasure" or if they are "magnum". And then when I look at you to tell you your total, I won't help but imagine whether I feel sorry for the person you are buying the condoms to use with or not. I'm immature. I know. Deal with it.
- Please refrain from biting your fingers while waiting for me to scan all your items. Our hands may brush while exchanging money and receipts and I really don't like the idea of having your spit on my hands too.
- Please start writing your check out before I give you a total and all of your groceries are loaded in your cart. There is plenty of downtime while I am scanning all of your merchandise and bagging it for you to get your check started. Waiting until I am standing there and my line is growing with other customers to ask me to borrow a pen or to even dig your checkbook out of your purse is rude. Maybe you don't realize that my managers grade me on how quickly I finish your order. This may cause me to get in trouble.
- I'd appreciate it if you would give me the check you took so long to write out before you start recording it in your checkbook ledger. I realize getting it recorded is important, but you will have the receipt with the exact amount on it. I AM PATIENTLY WAITING. But on the inside I feel like ripping the check out of your hands.
- Please do not bring your 12 year old child in to the store to purchase $59.72 cents worth of toys and then tell your child that the cashier doesn't mind how you pay. Please then, don't help your child count out $59.72 cents in change. It takes a long time and I will have to deal with the impatience of the customers standing in line behind you. Counting out change is what the coin star machine is for. Visit it.
- I'm sorry if you had a bad experience with a previous cashier. It wasn't me. Give me the common courtesy of not having to pay for their mistakes.
- GET OFF THE PHONE! It is so rude to have a conversation on the phone while I am trying to talk to you. I don't know whether to interrupt you to tell you the total on your order or if you will think I'm being rude by interrupting. Just give me a little common courtesy and get off the phone. I promise I'll be as quick as I can and you can go back to talking to your bff about who did what.
- If one of the items you are buying rings up at the wrong price, please kindly bring it to my attention. I will be happy to get the price fixed for you. Understand that I am not the person who inputs all of the prices into the computer. I merely scan each item and the price comes up on my screen. Be kind. It's not my fault.
- Do not yell at me because there is not an express lane open. Again. Not my fault. I'd be happy to bring it to my managers attention.
- Do not make a smart mouth comment to me when I ask if you'd like to open a store credit card. It's my job. I have to ask. I may disagree with having credit card debt as well. But I need my job and so I ask. Deal with it.
- If the person in front of you is still unloading their items to purchase, it is rude for you to quickly throw up a purchase divider and start putting your items on the conveyor belt. This may cause the person to have to hand me each item, one at a time, because you have taken all of the space on the conveyor belt. I'm pretty sure that in Kindergarten we all learned to take turns. When the person in front of you is done unloading their stuff, and if there is still room on the conveyor belt, then you may unload your stuff too. Patience my child.
- By chance, if you decide you don't want to buy something I'd be grateful if you gave it to me. Throwing grapes on top of the soda coolers at the checkout lanes will cause the grapes to cook, it's hot up there. It will destory the grapes leaving a sticky mess. You don't need to hide the items in the candy bars or with the magazines. I'd be happy to take it from you and place it in the go back bin at my feet. Just a little common courtesy. I have to pick up after my children at home. Your mother doesn't work here.
- If your card is declined, you don't need to make up some funny excuse about why it won't go through. You spent all your money, it happens.
- If your second card doesn't go through either, just be quiet. No explanation needed.
- If after you have had two credit cards declined and you want to write me a check, I'll take it, but I may be questioning whether it will bounce. You can't blame me.
- After my machine declines to accept your check don't act surprised. You had to know this was coming. Do you ever check your bank statements?
- If after you have had two credit cards declined, a check declined, you'd better bring along a friend who will be willing to pay for your $478 order. That's what friends are for right? She's a better friend than me.
- I'd be happy to take your coupons. I use them too. Though, I'd appreciate it if you would not wait until I've given you your total and am waiting for you to pay to say, "Oh, I think I may have a coupon for something I bought", and then spend the next five minutes while I am waiting and others are waiting in line behind you for you to go through your 5000 coupons looking for the one you think might be there. Plan ahead.
- I do not lick my fingers to get your bags open. It is common courtesy. You don't want my spit on your bags. Please do not lick your fingers to sort through your coupons or to separate your checks or count your money. I don't want your spit either. If you do this, I may think about hocking a loogie in your bag, for good measure.
- Please do not wipe your runny nose with your fingers. The same fingers you are holding the five dollar bill that you are about to pay me with. Have you heard of H1N1? A little good hygiene would go a long way.
- If you have a coupon stuck to an item you are buying, either bring it to my attention or rip it off and hand it to me. I am busy trying to check you out with lightening speed. I may not notice that there is a tiny coupon stuck to the side of a box of crackers. If you realize I missed the coupon, do not berate me. It was an accident. We all make them. Please bring this mistake to my attention before I total your order, you've paid, and I've handed you your receipt. Then, when you notice, please don't say to me, "Did you get my coupon? You missed my coupon." I didn't realize you had a coupon, you didn't tell me. I'd be happy to fix the mistake for you, it will only take a minute. I'll even apologize for it. Just be nice for heavens sake.
- PLEASE, PLEASE do not throw things at me. I am a human being. I deserve at least that much respect. If you don't feel like getting closer to the conveyor belt to place your things on it, please don't toss it at me. Don't bounce it off my hand scanner or my computer. I find it really annoying and I will have a hard time not throwing it back at you. I'd spank you if you were my child.
- If I ask you to have your child sit down in the cart don't give me dirty looks. I'd really appreciate it if you would have your child sit down. To be honest, I could care less about you or your child or whether or not your child falls. What I do care about is my job and I've been told I could be fired if I see a child standing in the cart and I don't say anything and the child falls. Lawsuit happy people will look for any excuse to sue, even at the expense of their child. So sit!
- I am required to check inside all boxes, back packs, purses and bags that you buy. I realize that most people don't steal, but some do. Someone before you who handled the bag you are buying may have even stashed something inside causing you to steal. I am protecting you, and helping keep prices low by preventing fraud. So please don't give me a dirty look if I have to check inside of a bag you are buying. Again, it's my job.
- If the person in front of you is trying to pay for their order, please don't push your cart into them or push your cart in the way of the credit card machine so they have to ask you to move your cart so they can pay. Again, patience. They were there first.
- Don't make a stupid comment to me if I ask you if you'd like your milk bagged. Some people do, and if I don't ask, that will be the time you wanted it bagged and you will have another excuse to be rude to me.
There. I feel better now!
*All are real experiences I have had